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Lawyer Jokes
Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: Because if one side has one, the other side has to get one. Then, once they are launched, they cannot be recalled, and when they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release?
A: The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
The "Lawyers Creed":
A man is innocent until proven broke.
Q: What's the difference between a female attorney and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet!
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea!
Q: Say that you're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and an attorney. You have a gun, but only two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the attorney twice.
Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: A vulture doesn't get Frequent Flyer points.
Q: What's the other difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Vultures can't take their wing tips off.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why are laboratory scientists switching from rats to lawyers for their experiments?
A1: Lawyers are more plentiful than rats;
A2: The lab technicians don't get as attached to the lawyers, and
A3: There are some things a rat just won't do.
Q: What's the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments
A: It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.
Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman pinscher.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?
A: An accomplice.
Q: What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?
A: A lawyer.
Q: What do you call 10,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: How can you tell when your lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move.
Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of cow manure?
A: The bucket.
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The jokes posted in this site were not composed by myself and I claim no copyright for them.
This page and it's content, except where otherwise noted, are copyright ©2004 by Jim Watts.
Last updated 2004-04-11