Jokes Archive >
Ponderables & Lists
> Words of Inspiration
Words of Inspiration
1. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content.
2. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
4. Sign in an oriental pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
5. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
6. I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first.
7. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
8. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
9. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
10. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
11. I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately!
12. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
13. I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."
14. How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
15. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
16. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
17. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
18. I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
19. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
20. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up. You don't know where it's been!"
(Share this joke with a friend!)
The jokes posted in this site were not composed by myself and I claim no copyright for them.
This page and it's content, except where otherwise noted, are copyright ©2004 by Jim Watts.
Last updated 2004-04-11