Jokes Archive >
Q & A
> Screwing in Light Bulbs
Screwing in Light Bulbs
Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A "Real Woman" would have plenty of "Real Men" around to do it.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six: One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: It turned itself in.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.
Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.
Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"
Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a **** load of light bulbs!
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one: He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.
Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: "That's all right... I'll just sit here alone in the dark..."
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who says it's dark?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: (Hint: They are small enough to fit inside.)
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None of your damn business!
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: The bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: There never was any light bulb.
Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want. They're all virtual anyway.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
(Share this joke with a friend!)
The jokes posted in this site were not composed by myself and I claim no copyright for them.
This page and it's content, except where otherwise noted, are copyright ©2004 by Jim Watts.
Last updated 2004-04-11