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One-Liners
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine!"
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death!"
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free!
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" and the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it!"
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here!"
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener!
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"
First Woman (proudly): "My Husband's an angel!"
Second Woman: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
A Woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
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The jokes posted in this site were not composed by myself and I claim no copyright for them.
This page and it's content, except where otherwise noted, are copyright ©2004 by Jim Watts.
Last updated 2004-04-11